Today I am creating the final screen for Newcastle. I saved this one for last because, well, I wanted to put it off as long as I could. When I visit Newcastle, I can hardly bring myself to look this straight on. I put my head down or fix my focus on something else ahead, like the brightly coloured centre of fun and exploration, which is just across the way from the centre. Staring at the Bioscience Centre and recreating it is going to make for a very hard day today.
This is where I had my IVF treatments. I was given three attempts but after that second I just couldn’t face going through that kind of heartache, pain, emotional torment again. The drugs they put you on are hideous and I found my mood quite altered most of the time. After a month of this, you then have to give yourself injections. I’ve seen diabetic needles, nice and thin as a hair, but these needles, oh God, they are much bigger. As if that isn’t enough, you have to actually prepare the injection using different vials and syringes. So, you get to think about it for a good five minutes before you stab yourself in the leg. As much as I tried, it was the final step that I couldn’t bring myself to do, so my husband had to give me my injection. And then there are uncomfortable proceedures, followed by two weeks of hoping and praying and saying things like ‘God, if this works I promise I’ll volunteer my life to raising money to help cancer patients’ or some other negotiation. Eventually, nature tells you it didn’t work. But you still have to go in for a final appointment. And sit in the room. And try not to have a meltdown infront of all the other people in the room that are going through the various stages of treatment. I still can’t believe my final show for the tour is to be in this building. I am going to have to call on all my inner resources to get through the set up.
As today is going to be a bit difficult, I have made a plan for success. I am playing my most favourite and uplifting songs. Today there is no room for the usual beautiful melancholy music I usually listen to. And to help lighten the mood even more, I will end this post with photos of my lovely dog, Josey. We brought her into the family just before I started treatment. She’s been such a great friend to me.
Josey's first day home
perfection
Josey and I on the Isle of Skye
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